My Mid-Mid Life Crisis

For the past few months I have been in the middle of a mid-mid-life crisis. For a while there, life was happening so fast for me. After I practically sprinted through the graduation line to get my diploma, and with the full intention of never looking back, I raced to Chicago to start my new and exciting life. I quickly got an apartment in the hippest neighborhood (looking back I can see the drool on the lips of the guy who showed me my new home, as he smelled my urgency and complete ignorance of the city) and soon had my first full-time job. Eight months later I began dating my future husband. Seven months after that we got married. Four months later we got pregnant. Nine months later I decided to quit my job and be a full-time mother. And then...well, then things just sort of slowed down. Way down. At first it was wonderful. New husband, new home, new baby...but then nothing else happened. Now don't get me wrong, my husband and my son are still wonderful. I am married to a great man who is also my best friend. I love my son more than I ever thought I could love anything. But the monotony of the day-to-day responsibilities began to wear on me. I began wishing for change again, secretly yearning for that adrenaline rush of the unknown and unexpected. What made it worse was the fact that everyone around me seemed to be moving on to bigger and better things: getting better jobs, moving out of the city, and having other life-altering experiences. And here I was changing yet another diaper, doing another load of laundry, going days without taking a shower, and generally getting depressed.

And then I read a great article by my friend Jenny Schroedel called, "The Gift of Presence." In it, Jenny talks about how too often we don't stop and enjoy the moment, and she specifically talks about how as mothers we often get so caught up in schedules and lists and the future that we forget to just soak in the present and give our children our presence. The article resonated with how I had been feeling. I was so caught up in wishing for something more that I had forgotten to enjoy what I have.

...and thus, my blog was born. I don't really know what the main agenda of this blog is going to be, other than a way to help me to focus my thoughts as I begin to rediscover the beauty of what God has blessed me with so far on life's journey. A journey towards what, you ask? I don't really know. Towards finding God's will for my life. Towards finding contentment and peace. Towards more laughing and less cynicism. I know I'm not there yet. I just want to be almost there.