The stress of parenting an almost two-year-old has begun to wear on me. Lately I have found myself dreaming of that mystical time in the far-off future where Andrew and baby #2 will be happy, healthy, and more importantly, SELF-SUFFICIENT. That magical time where my husband and I can take our kids to a nice restaurant and not have to worry about them yelling for french fries and then when they finally get the darn fries they mostly just eat the ketchup...at least that 50% of ketchup that actually makes it into their mouth. I dream of a time where I can take my children to church and actually STAY in church for the entire service, with no worries of the tantrums that inevitably follow when mean ol' mom won't let them knock over candle stands or run screaming through the sanctuary. I get very excited when I think of going on a vacation and not having to think about diapers and strollers and pack-and-plays and car seats and baby food and baby toys and nap time. And the idea of visiting someone's house and being able to sit relaxed and visit without having to worry about my children eating something they shouldn't or breaking something expensive seems like an absolute dream. I've actually caught myself counting the years.
But tonight, as I was getting ready for bed, I did my nightly check of Andrew to make sure he's warm enough and sleeping well. I went in there and just fell in love with him all over again. Those chubby cheeks that were stuffed with french fries earlier today. Those little hands that innocently reach for the pretty candles at church. That padded little bottom wrapped in the thousandth diaper I've changed, sticking up in the air as usual (see photo). And his beautiful face, so filled with curiosity whenever we go somewhere new, just wanting to explore the world.
I reached down and put my finger in his hand, and even though he was fast asleep he grabbed onto it. I suddenly realized that this moment, this very moment, should be cherished and enjoyed. I need to stop dreaming about the future and start appreciating the moment. I'm sure that day will come all too soon where he won't want to hold my hand anymore. He'll grow up and be self-sufficient soon enough. For now I think I'll enjoy being needed.
Remind me of this tomorrow when he's screaming in church.
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