My Sleeplessness

"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one." ~Leo J. Burke

I have come to the somber conclusion that I will never again have a full night's sleep. Never again will I blissfully lie in bed oblivious of the world around me, unconcerned about the time, while the only thought on my mind is how warm and cozy and wonderful I feel. Never again.

Forgive me if I sound grumpy. I'm just a little tired.

Today was one of those mornings that coffee can't even help. I got to bed late last night and then this morning Andrew decided it would be fun to shake things up a bit and wake up two hours earlier than normal. It's hard to be mad at his happy little face, all bright-eyed and ready to start the day, so I decided to be mad at everything else. Stupid neighbors with their loud music. Stupid sunshine that came up too soon. Stupid coffee maker that doesn't automatically clean itself and refill itself with fresh coffee beans. Stupid house, that doesn't automatically clean itself when I go to bed. Stupid no sleep.

I've always been one of those people that needs a good 9 hours of solid sleep to function. Needless to say, the first few weeks of parenthood was quite a shock to my system. I remember I cried a lot. I think it was less "baby blues" and more complete and utter exhaustion. Now that that initial shock has worn off, I have begun to prepare myself for the future. The way I see it, for the next 10 years I plan on having babies and small children, so forget about sleeping for the next decade. Once they're off to school, my plan is to go back to school as well, so I won't be sleeping then. Once my kids are older and are able to drive and go on dates, I know I will be the type that stays up on the couch until everyone is home safely. Still no sleeping. Once all of my children are grown and out of the house, I'll be so old that incontinence will set in, and so for the rest of my life I will be getting up three times a night to empty my bladder.

I will never sleep again.

Now, I could sit here and think of a wonderful life lesson that would tie my lack of sleep to some greater good that could propel me towards some sort of spiritual greatness. I could philosophize and theorize and write all sorts of wise things. Quite honestly I'd rather just take a nap.

But alas, I can no neither. Andrew is waking up from his nap, and I can hear him talking to his imaginary friends. I know when I go in there, all grumpy and sleepy, he will meet me with giggles and smiles. And I'll smile back, even though I'm still grumpy and sleepy, and our day will continue.

At least I have incontinence to look forward to.

"Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep." - Fran Lebowitz


It's hard to stay TOO grumpy when I wake up to this....